All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
