Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
