You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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