i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
