If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
