What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
