He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize