Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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