i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
