My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
