so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
