So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
