I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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