The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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