Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
