cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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