I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
