In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
