How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
zippers are such a cool invention
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sext me about skeletons
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
