we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
