Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
