I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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