I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
