make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
