As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
