Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
