AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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