Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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