I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
