No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
