covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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