Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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