i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize