The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
