What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
