Your mouth is God's brothel.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize