I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
