Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
