Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
