I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
