a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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