You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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