You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
