i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
