Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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