Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i think i have two assholes
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize