I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
