Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you inspire me to be a worse person
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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