i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
