I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
