I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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