I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
