The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
barbara walters just said penis...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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