I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
