No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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