i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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