Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize