textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
