My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
