Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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