And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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