Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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