Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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