my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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