She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
