Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
