At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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