i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
honey bunches of taint.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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