Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
