Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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