youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
