i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
