i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think my moral compass just broke
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize