then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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