just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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