He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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