hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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