New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
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