do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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