shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
