don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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