I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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