Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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