omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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