it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
