Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
