I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
