"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
