don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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