yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
