I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
