yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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