I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
