No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The adults are the big ones right?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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