peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My Sexting was not on an AP level
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
