Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
