I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
