my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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