She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
