i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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