Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
